The Pig and the Cork
November 29, 2009
Once upon a time there was a farmer who had fallen on rough times who owned a few cows, chickens, sheep, and one scrawny pig that did nothing but eat and poop. Lucky enough for the farmer, the county fair was coming to town soon and they were having a contest for the largest pig in the area; the winner would receive a $500 prize. After hearing about the contest, the farmer got to thinking...
I could really use that money... but I only have one pig, and all he does is eat and poop and eat and poop and he never gets any bigger.... Say.... I wonder... I wonder what would happen if the pig didn't poop as much... or not at all... The poop would have nowhere to go.. and just maybe... maybe he'd get bigger.
So the farmer called the pig over and shoved a cork up the pig's butt and the pig squealed and ran off. Over the next couple of months the farmer doubled the pig's feed and the pig grew.... and grew..... and grew until it weighed over two thousand pounds! Well, the farmer took that huge pig to the fair and he won the first prize. Now that the contest was over the farmer decided that he should take the cork out of the pig's butt because the pig was full of poop and the pig looked sick. So the farmer goes to pull the cork out but then he starts thinking to himself:
That cork has been in there for quite sometime... and there's a lot of poop inside that pig... I think I better get someone else to pull the cork out....
After deciding this the farmer found a man with a monkey and a music box surrounded by a crowd of people. The man twirled a lever and the music box sounded, and the monkey crawled around and jumped up on people's shoulders, collecting coins from onlookers in his hat. The farmer walked up to the man with the music box:
"I have a job proposition for you friend... I just won the contest for the biggest pig here, and now I have a sick pig who needs someone to pull out a cork from his butt... I will give you $50 if you do it for me."
The music man thought about it for a second or two... Well I don't make that much here on the side... and I could really use the money...
The music man nodded his head, "Alright sir, you have a deal."
"Great!" The farmer handed the music man the money saying, "I'll be right down there at the end of the street."
The music man nodded and bent down to take the cork out and the farmer started sprinting away. The music man stopped himself just before he pulled the cork out thinking:
Wait a minute... this man paid me to do this... and this pig is huge... and I'm sure that cork has been in there a long time... and that's a lot of poop... I know! I'll have the monkey pull it out!
"Monkey! pull that cork out."
The monkey looked up at his master and looked at the cork hesitantly. Then with the nod of his master the monkey pulled the cork out and poop flew everywhere! It covered the whole street! The farmer was half a mile away by now and he was up to his knees in pig poop! Everyone in the town raced to the center of the giant pile of poo in the center of the town to help dig out the music man and the monkey; the farmer was the first one on the scene. When he reach the pile he saw the music man was up to his neck in pig poop and laughing. The farmer stared at the music man:
"What's so funny? You're covered in poop!"
The music man laughed even harder and said, "Well, you should have seen the monkey try to put the cork back in!"
I kid you not... these are the kinds of stories I was told and helped create when I was a child... like I said, my family dances to the beat of it's own drum.
I could really use that money... but I only have one pig, and all he does is eat and poop and eat and poop and he never gets any bigger.... Say.... I wonder... I wonder what would happen if the pig didn't poop as much... or not at all... The poop would have nowhere to go.. and just maybe... maybe he'd get bigger.
So the farmer called the pig over and shoved a cork up the pig's butt and the pig squealed and ran off. Over the next couple of months the farmer doubled the pig's feed and the pig grew.... and grew..... and grew until it weighed over two thousand pounds! Well, the farmer took that huge pig to the fair and he won the first prize. Now that the contest was over the farmer decided that he should take the cork out of the pig's butt because the pig was full of poop and the pig looked sick. So the farmer goes to pull the cork out but then he starts thinking to himself:
That cork has been in there for quite sometime... and there's a lot of poop inside that pig... I think I better get someone else to pull the cork out....
After deciding this the farmer found a man with a monkey and a music box surrounded by a crowd of people. The man twirled a lever and the music box sounded, and the monkey crawled around and jumped up on people's shoulders, collecting coins from onlookers in his hat. The farmer walked up to the man with the music box:
"I have a job proposition for you friend... I just won the contest for the biggest pig here, and now I have a sick pig who needs someone to pull out a cork from his butt... I will give you $50 if you do it for me."
The music man thought about it for a second or two... Well I don't make that much here on the side... and I could really use the money...
The music man nodded his head, "Alright sir, you have a deal."
"Great!" The farmer handed the music man the money saying, "I'll be right down there at the end of the street."
The music man nodded and bent down to take the cork out and the farmer started sprinting away. The music man stopped himself just before he pulled the cork out thinking:
Wait a minute... this man paid me to do this... and this pig is huge... and I'm sure that cork has been in there a long time... and that's a lot of poop... I know! I'll have the monkey pull it out!
"Monkey! pull that cork out."
The monkey looked up at his master and looked at the cork hesitantly. Then with the nod of his master the monkey pulled the cork out and poop flew everywhere! It covered the whole street! The farmer was half a mile away by now and he was up to his knees in pig poop! Everyone in the town raced to the center of the giant pile of poo in the center of the town to help dig out the music man and the monkey; the farmer was the first one on the scene. When he reach the pile he saw the music man was up to his neck in pig poop and laughing. The farmer stared at the music man:
"What's so funny? You're covered in poop!"
The music man laughed even harder and said, "Well, you should have seen the monkey try to put the cork back in!"
I kid you not... these are the kinds of stories I was told and helped create when I was a child... like I said, my family dances to the beat of it's own drum.
Posted by S. R. Johnson.
My father told these stories to my sisters and me when we were children, and I blame these stories for my enormous imagination and love for fiction. Please enjoy these odd but interesting tales.